Mary Sue Returns
by Topaz
Summary: And our beloved *cough* heroine (not the drug) returns! NOT a chapter, just a sort of sequel. Yah. Sure. ^_^


MARY SUE COMES TO HOGWARTS, PART TWO  
by Topaz  
  
Note: This story was originally intended to poke fun of 'Mary Sue' fics; you know, the perfect American exchange student, star Quidditch player, often related to Draco or Voldemort, whom Harry falls in love with. Just wanted to clarify that, because if you didn't know that, you might be kinda confused while reading Part One. You'll be confused reading Part Two anyway.  
  
So anyways, Mary Sue decided to become Miss America. So she became Miss America even though she lived in England!!! After all she was FROM America being an American exchange student....  
  
Mary Sue put on her beautiful blue silk robes with silver embroidery and trim and brushed her long, curly golden hair until it shone like fire and put on piles of make up that made her beautiful sapphire blue eyes appear large and mascara made her long thick lashes look longer (ooh good alliteration).   
  
She won hands down (where on earth did that expression come from?) and went back to Hogwarts. But then... Voldemort attacked!  
  
Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, and Mary Sue were somehow randomly trapped in a dark room with Voldemort, who was so ugly that he inspired great fear and terror in all of them.  
  
Draco is evil as you probably already know, but Draco finally, in an inspiring and heartlifting moment, stood up to Voldemort and became good! He then fell in love with Hermione and they morphed into Romeo and Juliet and rode away on snow white horses spouting romantic poetry to each other.   
  
Ron was heartbroken and went off to flirt outrageously with Parvati and Lavendar. So only Harry and Mary Sue were left.  
  
"I have finally defeated you Harry Potter!" Voldemort shrieked with very bad grammar (there should have been a comma).  
  
"There should have been a comma," said Mary Sue.   
  
"Never mind that!" Voldemort shrieked. He raised his wand and shrieked, "Avada kedavra!!!!"  
  
"Nooooo," Mary Sue screamed, throwing herself in front of Harry. In a heartwarming moment frozen forever in time, they stared deeply into each others eyes and silently said farewell. Then Harry's heart shattered as a flash of green light forever stole his love.  
  
"I'll kill you Voldemort!" Harry screamed, so furious that he omitted the comma. "You killed her! I'll kill you!"  
  
Voldemort laughed maniacally and ignored the small scrawny spike-headed boy.  
  
Harry pulled out his wand and shrieked, "Avada kedavra!"   
  
Of course it didn't work because Voldie is immortal, but it hurt him quite a bit and gave him sinus trouble for weeks :-)  
  
And he was so busy wiping his nose that he didn't notice Harry sneak away, sobbing heartbrokenly.   
  
Instead, his attention was caught by the beautiful golden-haired woman standing nearby Harry, a Quick-Quotes Quill in her hand.  
  
"Rita," Voldemort breathed, staring at her.  
  
"Tom," Rita gasped.  
  
Just then Draco rushed in, saw his dead twin sister, and shrieked, "Mummy! You've killed my sister! And who's that ugly man?"  
  
"Sh," said Harry. "They're having a reunion."  
  
Voldemort and Rita flung themselves into each others arms and burst into tears. "I'm missed you so much, Tom!" Rita wailed.  
  
"I've missed you, too!" Voldemort sobbed, this time remembering the comma.  
  
"Why is my mum hugging that ugly man?" Draco asked before fainting.  
  
"Dunno," said Harry before fainting as well.  
  
"Rita, darling," Voldemort said, pulling away, "how could you get married? And to Lucius Malfoy?"  
  
Draco fainted again.  
  
"I'm sorry, dearest," Rita sniveled. "I thought you were dead, I didn't know you were Voldemort."  
  
"It's all right, darling," Voldemort said soothingly. "I'll just kill him and then we can finally be married!"  
  
Hermione and Draco had meanwhile galloped back on their pure white horses. Hermione shrieked and collapsed in Draco's arms, and Draco began spewing a romantic soliloquy about the quality of mercy before remembering that that was from The Merchant of Venice not Romeo and Juliet.   
  
Voldemort and Rita Skeeter shared a passionate, romantic kiss, then rode away on more white horses into the golden setting sun.  
  
  
THE END  
  
Hee hee, that was fun. While Mary Sue Comes To Hogwarts Part 1 was probably the more Mary Sue-ish of the two, this one was funner. Really, wouldn't Voldie and Rita be a perfect couple? Hee hee.   
  
After reading some of the reviews of Part 1, I would like to clarify something for all you confused people out there: Mary Sue is a term for characters who are way to perfect, and quite a few fics are written about Mary Sues who come to Hogwarts as American transfer students, have Harry and just about everyone else fall in love with them, and turn out to be related to either Voldemort or Draco (in my story, both)  
Some of the peeps who reviewed Part 1 seemed to think that it was just a story, so I would like to hereby state that no way in h-e-double hockeysticks would I make a character like Mary Sue, it was intended to poke fun at the Mary Sue fics out there, it was NOT just an original story about a transfer student.  
  
Disclaimer: Harry & Company belong to J. K. Rowling, a.k.a. God, Mary Sue belongs to everyone, and Bob the fermented apple cider belongs to me :-)  



End file.
